FORBIDDEN LOVE: THE ALLURE OF THE EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR [1]

Dear reader, recently, I listened to a conversation about a lady who dated a married man, had abortions for him, and eventually separated from him. My interest immediately piqued, I became curious to find out why some people indulge in ‘forbidden’ affairs; e.g a single person dating a married person, a married person dating another married person or a single person, etc. Please feel free to contribute in the comments section; I'd love to read your comments.

THE ALLURE OF EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS

According to Wikipedia, an affair is a sexual relationship, romantic friendship, or passionate attachment between two people without the attached person's significant other knowing.

DIFFERENT REASONS WHY PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS

There are various reasons why people get into affairs. Reasons include:

1.       Disillusionment with spouse: Some married people get into affairs because of disappointment or disillusionment with their spouse. The ideal marriage they envisioned while courting is not the reality they are presently facing and so they indulge in affairs to find the emotional connect lacking in their own marriage. The disillusionment may come about as a result of frequent misunderstandings between the couple, or a sexual issue such as a low or too- high sex drive on the part of the wife or husband.

2.       For revenge: This is an especially common reason for women whose husbands cheated on them. Such women may decide to pay the cheating husband in his own coin by having an affair- especially with his close friend.

3.       Meeting an ex you still love or are attracted to: Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends are potential future affair partners and the reason why some people who did not intend to have affairs eventually get into one. In a situation where an individual did not marry the love of her life but married someone else either to please family or for business reasons, there is a high probability of having an affair with the ex later on in life.

4.       Boredom with present relationship: Readers who watched the movie series ‘Twilight’ may be familiar with the high profile relationship between co-stars Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, as well as her affair with married movie director Rupert Sanders. Previously, Kristen had admitted to feeling bored in the relationship. She is not alone in this regard. Many people in a relationship tend to feel stuck in a rut after sometime and engage in extramarital affairs  just to ‘spice things up’.

5.       To climb the corporate ladder: A person may engage in an affair with the boss if they feel that doing so will quicken their rise up the corporate ladder.

6.       For the thrill of it: Some individuals like the challenge of wooing and ‘conquering’ a person who seems to be out of their reach, such as a married man or woman. Such people have no scruples or boundaries. To them, all’s fair in love and war.

7. The love of cold, hard, cash: Some people date married men or women just for the love of cold, hard, cash. It's that simple.

8. Long-distance relationship: A couple involved in a long-distance relationship may find it more difficult to resist the temptation of extramarital affairs since the love of their life is physically,and sometimes emotionally, unavailable.

       There are other numerous reasons  why people engage in extramarital affairs. Curiously though , the  spouse being cheated upon is usually the last to know about it, and often he or she hears about it through a friend or from the cheating partner. It is also often ironic that many times, the other man or woman is not as attractive, smart or educated as the innocent partner at home.

WHAT PEOPLE GAIN FROM HAVING EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS

      Tunji*, a successful businessman who has been involved in an affair with a married woman, believes that the advantage of dating married women is that they 'have no expectations from men. It's all about the sex or the emotional attachment. There are no strings attached. A single woman, however, may expect you to leave your wife and children for her sake'.

       Other people cite financial rewards as the advantages of dating married people. Philomena*, a university undergraduate, believes that married men are more generous with their money and know how to pamper ladies as opposed to single men.

      For others still, it's all about the status and prestige  they gain by dating a highly placed married man/woman. Whatever the case may be, it is clear that there are some things enjoyed from extramarital affairs, if not, many people would not indulge in it.

            [* : not real name]

          HOW EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS END

      Despite the seeming advantages of extramarital affairs, they don't always have good endings. The possible outcome of an extramarital affair could be:

1.       Separation: In this part of the world, it is difficult for many cheating spouses to leave their spouse for a lover and so most affairs never end in marriage despite the fact that the other woman may have had a child or children for the man or may have committed abortions for him. The wife and children at home often times have the husband’s first attention, while the lover has to endure secret meetings and gossip of neighbours as affairs are difficult to hide. The cheating spouse usually goes back to his/her family after the affair loses its excitement.

2.      Marriage: This may happen if the cheating spouse chooses to divorce their partner to marry the lover, or if the man is an adherent of a religion that supports polygamy.

3.    Blackmail:  A lot of people who thought they were in an affair with the love of their life eventually ended up being blackmailed by the so-called love. Ugly but true.

4.       Injury or Death in extreme cases: It is not unheard of for an obsessed lover to harm or kill his or her partner on being informed that the relationship is coming to an end. Also, the spouse of a cheating partner could cause the injury or death of one of the lovers.

To be continued...

Do you have an experience or a comment you would like to share with other readers? Please feel free to comment below.