LOVE GONE WRONG [1]: ESCAPING THE CLUTCHES OF THE OBSESSIVE STALKER

Fina*, a salesgirl, one day observed Silas*, a contract worker in the same company, looking unhappy. She made inquiries and found out that Silas had money problems. Being kind-hearted, Fina decided to help Silas out with the little money she could afford. Silas, overcome with joy, thanked Fina profusely and later asked for her number but she refused, insisting that there was no need for that.

Unknown to Fina, however, Silas went to meet one of her colleagues in the shop and collected Fina’s number from the girl. Days later, Fina’s phone rang and she picked the call; it was Silas calling to say hi. He soon began to call her every day until she became quite irritated by his calls. By this time, Silas had been sacked from the job as he had heard some unsavoury news about him. Fina tried to discourage Silas’ calls but he insisted on calling her and soon began to profess an undying love for her. At this point, Fina felt that things were getting out of hand. The next time Silas called, she asked a male friend of hers to pose as her fiancé and warn Silas to stop harassing her. Behold, Silas threatened the man, promising to kill him so that Fina could be his forever.

By this time, Fina became afraid for her life especially since Silas had started stalking her physically. To cut a long story short, she eventually decided to involve relevant authorities who stepped into the situation and called Silas to order. Silas would later confess that he had planned to kidnap Fina and take her off to a remote area where no one would ever find her.

The Oxford Learners’ Dictionary defines a stalker as a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention, and stalking as the crime of following and watching somebody over a long period of time in a way that is annoying or frightening. It is important to note that stalking involves paying someone unwanted attention to the point that the person feels threatened or frightened by the attention. Although both men and women are stalked, statistics show that women are stalked at a higher rate than men. In many nations of the world, stalking is regarded as a crime.

ACTIVITIES OF STALKERS

Stalkers can be identified by the following activities:

1.      Frequently calling or texting targets: A person is regarded as a stalker if he or she repeatedly places unwanted calls or sends unwanted text messages to a victim. Some may form the habit of hanging up as soon as the victim picks the call.

2.      Lying in wait for the victim at home, in the office or elsewhere: Some stalkers get obsessed with their victims to the point of secretly following them wherever they go.

3.      Contacting the friends, family, or colleagues of the victim to get information about the victim from them.

4.      Cyber stalking: Some stalkers choose to adopt the method of cyber stalking. They do this by sending frequent, unwanted emails or messages through Facebook, Whatsapp, or other social media platforms to their victims.

5.      Threatening to harm the victim, themselves, or other people: Obsessed stalkers usually threaten to cause harm to themselves, the victim or a third party if their demands are not met by the victim.

Other forms of stalking include: monitoring a person through the use of hidden cameras or listening devices or global positioning system [gps], repeatedly sending unwanted gifts, letters, etc. It should be noted that the above actions are not crimes in themselves; however, when unwanted attention becomes persistent and the recipient begins to feel afraid for his or her life, then the activities are seen to be a form of stalking. Sometimes, stalkers can get violent and this happens especially when the stalker is a former partner. Violent stalkers may resort to sending life-threatening messages to victims or even damaging property such as cars.

WHAT CAUSES STALKING BEHAVIOUR?

A person may stalk if:

1.      There is the belief that the victim is in love with the stalker. The victim may have been of assistance to the stalker at one time or another, but the stalker interprets the kind gesture as an expression of romantic love on the part of the victim.

2.      He or she was jilted by the victim and is angry about it. The stalker may resort to threatening the former partner.

3.      He or she is obsessed with the victim and just wants to be close to them. This usually happens if the victim is a famous personality, such as an actor/actress, a musician, or a TV presenter.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE BEING STALKED

           If you feel you are being stalked by someone, certain steps you should take include:

1.      Tell someone else about it: if you are being harassed or intimidated by a stalker, be sure to inform people, such as family, friends and co-workers, about it. This helps to ensure that other people are watching out for you, and also reduces the risk of them innocently releasing information about the victim to the stalker.

2.      Take all threats by the stalker seriously. Never downplay any of his or her threats. Better safe than sorry.

3.      Inform relevant authorities like the police if matters escalate.

4.      Avoid predictability when you can. You can change the usual route you take or at least ask someone to accompany you to certain places if need be.  

5.      Refuse to communicate with the stalker. Block all known numbers of the stalker, and refuse to reply via text messages, email, or social media. You may consider changing your phone number if possible.

6.      Make sure you keep evidence of all phone calls, text messages, emails, etc, as you may need this if the police gets involved.

    TIPS FOR MINIMIZING THE RISK OF BEING STALKED

1.      Do not give out personal information to someone you are not well acquainted with, especially when there is no need for it. Take the case of Samuel who, while jogging one day, met a stranger who professed admiration for Samuel’s jogging ability and asked for his phone number so they could become jogging partners. Samuel, instead of giving his own phone number, collected the man’s phone number, pretended to dial it, and jogged off when the man went to get his phone from the car. Having the consciousness that certain information is personal will prevent you from being caught off guard by requests for such information.

2.      If someone you are not interested in is harassing you for a relationship, be polite yet firm in saying NO. Don’t beat about the bush! Being vague in your refusal can lead to stalking.

3.      Refuse to respond to unsolicited messages from people you do not know.

4.      Make sure friends and family are aware that they should not give out information about you without your permission.

Stalkers may or may not be known to their victims; however, the feelings evoked in the victims are similar. Most people who are victims of stalkers tend to feel afraid and vulnerable. They may also feel tense, withdrawn and depressed. Whatever the case may be, if you feel you are being stalked, get help immediately.

[* not real name]

Do you have a stalking experience you would like to share with others? Please feel free to do so in the comments section below.