LOVE GONE WRONG [1]: ESCAPING THE CLUTCHES OF THE OBSESSIVE STALKER

Fina*, a salesgirl, one day observed Silas*, a contract worker in the same company, looking unhappy. She made inquiries and found out that Silas had money problems. Being kind-hearted, Fina decided to help Silas out with the little money she could afford. Silas, overcome with joy, thanked Fina profusely and later asked for her number but she refused, insisting that there was no need for that.

Unknown to Fina, however, Silas went to meet one of her colleagues in the shop and collected Fina’s number from the girl. Days later, Fina’s phone rang and she picked the call; it was Silas calling to say hi. He soon began to call her every day until she became quite irritated by his calls. By this time, Silas had been sacked from the job as he had heard some unsavoury news about him. Fina tried to discourage Silas’ calls but he insisted on calling her and soon began to profess an undying love for her. At this point, Fina felt that things were getting out of hand. The next time Silas called, she asked a male friend of hers to pose as her fiancé and warn Silas to stop harassing her. Behold, Silas threatened the man, promising to kill him so that Fina could be his forever.

By this time, Fina became afraid for her life especially since Silas had started stalking her physically. To cut a long story short, she eventually decided to involve relevant authorities who stepped into the situation and called Silas to order. Silas would later confess that he had planned to kidnap Fina and take her off to a remote area where no one would ever find her.

The Oxford Learners’ Dictionary defines a stalker as a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention, and stalking as the crime of following and watching somebody over a long period of time in a way that is annoying or frightening. It is important to note that stalking involves paying someone unwanted attention to the point that the person feels threatened or frightened by the attention. Although both men and women are stalked, statistics show that women are stalked at a higher rate than men. In many nations of the world, stalking is regarded as a crime.

ACTIVITIES OF STALKERS

Stalkers can be identified by the following activities:

1.      Frequently calling or texting targets: A person is regarded as a stalker if he or she repeatedly places unwanted calls or sends unwanted text messages to a victim. Some may form the habit of hanging up as soon as the victim picks the call.

2.      Lying in wait for the victim at home, in the office or elsewhere: Some stalkers get obsessed with their victims to the point of secretly following them wherever they go.

3.      Contacting the friends, family, or colleagues of the victim to get information about the victim from them.

4.      Cyber stalking: Some stalkers choose to adopt the method of cyber stalking. They do this by sending frequent, unwanted emails or messages through Facebook, Whatsapp, or other social media platforms to their victims.

5.      Threatening to harm the victim, themselves, or other people: Obsessed stalkers usually threaten to cause harm to themselves, the victim or a third party if their demands are not met by the victim.

Other forms of stalking include: monitoring a person through the use of hidden cameras or listening devices or global positioning system [gps], repeatedly sending unwanted gifts, letters, etc. It should be noted that the above actions are not crimes in themselves; however, when unwanted attention becomes persistent and the recipient begins to feel afraid for his or her life, then the activities are seen to be a form of stalking. Sometimes, stalkers can get violent and this happens especially when the stalker is a former partner. Violent stalkers may resort to sending life-threatening messages to victims or even damaging property such as cars.

WHAT CAUSES STALKING BEHAVIOUR?

A person may stalk if:

1.      There is the belief that the victim is in love with the stalker. The victim may have been of assistance to the stalker at one time or another, but the stalker interprets the kind gesture as an expression of romantic love on the part of the victim.

2.      He or she was jilted by the victim and is angry about it. The stalker may resort to threatening the former partner.

3.      He or she is obsessed with the victim and just wants to be close to them. This usually happens if the victim is a famous personality, such as an actor/actress, a musician, or a TV presenter.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE BEING STALKED

           If you feel you are being stalked by someone, certain steps you should take include:

1.      Tell someone else about it: if you are being harassed or intimidated by a stalker, be sure to inform people, such as family, friends and co-workers, about it. This helps to ensure that other people are watching out for you, and also reduces the risk of them innocently releasing information about the victim to the stalker.

2.      Take all threats by the stalker seriously. Never downplay any of his or her threats. Better safe than sorry.

3.      Inform relevant authorities like the police if matters escalate.

4.      Avoid predictability when you can. You can change the usual route you take or at least ask someone to accompany you to certain places if need be.  

5.      Refuse to communicate with the stalker. Block all known numbers of the stalker, and refuse to reply via text messages, email, or social media. You may consider changing your phone number if possible.

6.      Make sure you keep evidence of all phone calls, text messages, emails, etc, as you may need this if the police gets involved.

    TIPS FOR MINIMIZING THE RISK OF BEING STALKED

1.      Do not give out personal information to someone you are not well acquainted with, especially when there is no need for it. Take the case of Samuel who, while jogging one day, met a stranger who professed admiration for Samuel’s jogging ability and asked for his phone number so they could become jogging partners. Samuel, instead of giving his own phone number, collected the man’s phone number, pretended to dial it, and jogged off when the man went to get his phone from the car. Having the consciousness that certain information is personal will prevent you from being caught off guard by requests for such information.

2.      If someone you are not interested in is harassing you for a relationship, be polite yet firm in saying NO. Don’t beat about the bush! Being vague in your refusal can lead to stalking.

3.      Refuse to respond to unsolicited messages from people you do not know.

4.      Make sure friends and family are aware that they should not give out information about you without your permission.

Stalkers may or may not be known to their victims; however, the feelings evoked in the victims are similar. Most people who are victims of stalkers tend to feel afraid and vulnerable. They may also feel tense, withdrawn and depressed. Whatever the case may be, if you feel you are being stalked, get help immediately.

[* not real name]

Do you have a stalking experience you would like to share with others? Please feel free to do so in the comments section below.

BOOK REVIEW: AND THE SHOFAR BLEW

And the Shofar blew is the story of a young, zealous pastor named Paul Hudson, the son of a mega-church pastor and a teacher at a Christian school. 

Paul receives a call from the church elders of a slowly dying church, Centreville Christian Church, inviting him to come and pastor the church. He accepts the job and relocates to his new pastorate with his wife and young son, Eunice and Timothy.

Down the line, however, Paul and the elders clash, with the elders insisting on maintaining things as they were and Paul insisting on implementing new ideas. In time, the elders quit and Paul gains full control over the church. He appoints his own elders, starts building a new church, and witnesses a great surge in church attendance.

Despite this seeming success, Paul’s wife, Eunice, feels that all is not well. She tries to warn Paul on several occasions but he brushes her off each time and even starts doubting her loyalty to him. Their marriage slowly begins to disintegrate and Paul’s relationship with his wife and teenage son become strained. Eunice, meanwhile, feels attracted to a recovering alcoholic- turned-born again Christian, Stephen Decker.

Things finally get to a head between Paul and Eunice one day when she walks in on Paul locked in a tight embrace with the wife of one of the elders. From there the story gets to fever-pitch, with a series of revelations and confrontations taking place, an accident occurring, and the Shofar blowing for Pastor Paul…

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Francine Rivers, an ECPA gold medallion winner, is the beloved author of several best-selling books like the Mark of the Lion series, Redeeming Love, and the Atonement Child. Many of her books have sold up to a million or more copies and continue to remain on bestseller lists around the world.

BOOK ANALYSIS:

STRENGTHS:

And the Shofar blew is a profound book and a must-read for Christians especially. The book is realistic in its description of the day-to-day life of the average pastor. It also highlights the importance of a praying spouse and a godly grandmother, and emphasizes the importance of having a relationship with the Heavenly Father.

Finally, the book points out the fact that no one is perfect; everyone has their flaws, and only the grace of God can keep one on the right track.

WEAKNESS:

Personally, I found it difficult connecting with the ‘heroine’ of the book, Eunice. She came across as a weak, somehow wimpy woman who made it slightly easy for her husband to walk over her. I wish Francine Rivers had made her character a bit stronger but hey, that’s just my own personal opinion.

RATING:

4.5 out of 5 stars. 

FORBIDDEN LOVE: THE ALLURE OF THE EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR [2]

Hello readers. A few days ago, I wrote part one of this series on extramarital affairs. This is the concluding part of the series, please feel free to leave your comments below.

BRIEF RECAP OF PART ONE: There are many reasons why people indulge in extramarital affairs, but most times they do it for one of three reasons: (i) to fill an emotional void (ii) for financial reasons or/and to climb the corporate ladder. (iii) to gratify sexual needs.

FORBIDDEN LOVE: THE ALLURE OF THE EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR [2]

Hillary and John were sweethearts while in the university. Immediately they graduated, John wasted no time in proposing to Hillary. They were married a few years later and had three kids thereafter. Ten years down the line, John became the branch manager of a particular bank while Hillary chose to be a stay-at-home mom.

Sometime afterwards, John started spending more time at work and frequenting night clubs. He claimed that he needed to meet a certain financial target for his bank and so had to meet more wealthy clients, hence the hobnobbing. Hillary thought no more of the matter until the day she received an anonymous email with pictures attached, informing her that her husband was cheating on her. The pictures showed John having sex with one of the interns in his bank. Hillary was devastated.

That night she accused John of infidelity and a shouting match began, with John alternating between saying he was sorry and also insisting that she ought to understand; it wasn't possible for a man to stick to one woman all his life. He promised to end the affair with the lady immediately and by all appearances seemed to have done so, until Hillary discovered two years later that the affair was still on and that the lady was pregnant for John. This time John adamantly refused to end the relationship saying that he wanted to take the lady as a second wife, and so the trouble began...

This experience is not unique to Hillary alone. A lot of spouses have actually been surprised to learn that their partner is involved, or has been involved in an affair with someone else at one point in time or another. Most people pass through one or more of the stages below on learning that their partner is cheating on them:

1. Denial:  The innocent spouse may refuse to believe that he or she is being cheated on.

2. Anger: The cheated spouse may feel angry at their cheating spouse for the infidelity. He or she may also feel angry at self for not recognising the signs earlier on. The negative emotions such as unhappiness and bitterness, may be transferred to the children, and office work may suffer if the cheated spouse is an employee.

 3. Blame: Some cheated partners go on to blame themselves for the infidelity, somehow feeling that if they had been man or woman enough, their partner would not have cheated on them.

4: Acceptance / Separation:

A few spouses, especially wives, go on to this stage. They embrace the belief that all men are cheats and their husband is not an exception. Others who cannot cope with the infidelity end up separating from the cheating spouse or divorcing them.

The effect of extramarital affairs are numerous and long-lasting. Infidelity not only wrecks marriages but also leaves scars on the children, especially if they are old enough to understand what's happening.

  Many school counsellors have had to counsel unhappy studentswhose families have been devastated by one partner's adulterous acts. Some parents are unaware of the extent of the damage adultery has on children, including the fact that some children subconsciously blame themselves as the cause. 

     In some cases, the wronged partner finds it difficult to forgive the unfaithful partner and may even poison the minds of the children against him or her.

      Sometimes, news of the infidelity goes beyond the family to the public sphere such as the cheating partner's office or place of worship. This consequently leads to gossip, disappointment or even termination of employment, as has happened in certain cases. 

    The cost of infidelity is so high that one must not treat it with kid gloves.  A person who was formerly powerful and influential could find himself or herself publicly disdained and disgraced just because of a little indiscretion. Remember Bill Clinton.

Though forgiven by Hillary for his affair with Monica Lewinsky, the affair continued to plague Bill Clinton and is still constantly referred to years later.

    Every self-respecting person needs to take proactive measures to avoid falling into the trap of the extramarital affair. Some steps that can be taken to avoid it include:

1.    Accept the fact that you are human:

   Some people, church folk especially, make the assumption that they are now 'powerful' enough, or disciplined enough, to be able to withstand any temptation to commit adultery. Nothing could be further from the truth. It should be noted that some fell into adultery at a time they least expected it. The sooner one accepts that the temptation to commit adultery cannot be resisted without the grace of God AND self-discipline, the better.

    Another wrong assumption made by certain people is that because they feel a very strong physical attraction to, or emotional connection with, another man or woman other than their spouse, then it must be love. What balderdash. The reality is that most married people will feel attracted to someone else other than their spouse at one time or another in their life, but this is where self discipline comes in. If married people were to act on their feelings all the time, then all women would be polyandrous and all men polygamous. Think about that.

2.  Ex-communicate the ex.

    

Some couples at the start of their marriage mutually pledge to cut off all communication with their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend . This is a wise idea. As mentioned in part one of this series, an ex is one of the easiest persons to indulge in an affair with, especially when one has a misunderstanding with their spouse. At that time a person is vulnerable and is likely to seek out someone who they feel understands them. Guess who that person likely is... You guessed right: the ex.

3.     Be careful in your place of work.

    

The above is an example of the sort of conversation that should never occur between a married person and another individual-unless you want to kiss your marriage goodbye. Quite surprisingly, however, a lot of people engage in flirtatious conversation with their co-worker and then act surprised when the co-worker comes on to them. Please be aware that an office is one of the easiest places to start an affair due to the long working hours and the fact that there are things shared in common with office mates; however, it is also the most dangerous place for an affair as, among other things, it often ends in the blackmail of one or both partners.

4.     Be best friends with your spouse.

    

Though a cliché, the advice: ‘marry your best friend’ is a very important one, especially for women. This is because women are easily attracted to a man who seems to understand them, and when that man is not their spouse, there's high risk of engaging in an extramarital affair. Being best friends with your spouse also makes you sensitive to, and observant of, their mood. Thus, it becomes easy to notice if something seems to be wrong.

5.     Avoid being stuck in a rut.

    

Boredom is one major reason why people indulge in extramarital affairs. It is very important for a couple to keep aflame the fire of love, and this is often done not just by sitting at home staring into each other’s eyes, but also by engaging in different activities such as going to see a movie together, going for a show, visiting a peppersoup joint, etc.

Some people are probably thinking right now ‘I don’t have the time for such’. Funny how people suddenly find the time for their marriage when it begins to fall apart-and by then it’s usually too late. Busyness is an enemy of any relationship, and marriage is no exception. Refuse to allow your marriage become predictable; surprise your spouse as frequently as you can- in a good way.

6     Pray for your spouse always.

     

    Even while doing your part to ensure mutual fidelity in the marriage, commit your marriage to God and ask Him to protect it from predators. With your marriage covered in prayer and you doing your part, it will be difficult for infidelity to occur.

    

  FOR THOSE INVOLVED IN AN EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR OR WHO ARE CONSIDERING IT, PLEASE CONSIDER THE POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES, SUCH AS:

1. DISGRACE

     

    A question posed in the Holy Scriptures [Proverbs 6:27] with reference to adultery reads: Can a man carry fire in his bosom and not be burned? What a profound question. The ugly reality about infidelity is that  once started, it is often difficult to stop, and most unfaithful spouses find themselves having numerous affairs over time, thus increasing the risk of being disgraced one day.

2. BLACKMAIL

    Every time you cheat on your spouse, you open yourself up to blackmail from the other man or woman. Be aware of the fact that your lover may be secretly recording your clandestine activities on tape somewhere waiting for the right time to strike.

3. UNPLEASANT WORK ENVIRONMENT:

    If the affair occurs with someone at work, there is bound to be unpleasantness when the affair ends, not to talk of the sniggering by other colleagues in the office. Office romance is one of the most difficult to hide, more so when it involves a married individual.

   To conclude, if things are not going well in your marriage, please do not be hasty in considering separation from your spouse [unless violence is involved].

Always remember: the grass is rarely greener on the other side.

Divorce statistics show that people who divorce once and remarry are very likely to divorce a second and even a third time.

Pray for the marriage, work for its success and see a counsellor if need be.

      

FORBIDDEN LOVE: THE ALLURE OF THE EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR [1]

Dear reader, recently, I listened to a conversation about a lady who dated a married man, had abortions for him, and eventually separated from him. My interest immediately piqued, I became curious to find out why some people indulge in ‘forbidden’ affairs; e.g a single person dating a married person, a married person dating another married person or a single person, etc. Please feel free to contribute in the comments section; I'd love to read your comments.

THE ALLURE OF EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS

According to Wikipedia, an affair is a sexual relationship, romantic friendship, or passionate attachment between two people without the attached person's significant other knowing.

DIFFERENT REASONS WHY PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS

There are various reasons why people get into affairs. Reasons include:

1.       Disillusionment with spouse: Some married people get into affairs because of disappointment or disillusionment with their spouse. The ideal marriage they envisioned while courting is not the reality they are presently facing and so they indulge in affairs to find the emotional connect lacking in their own marriage. The disillusionment may come about as a result of frequent misunderstandings between the couple, or a sexual issue such as a low or too- high sex drive on the part of the wife or husband.

2.       For revenge: This is an especially common reason for women whose husbands cheated on them. Such women may decide to pay the cheating husband in his own coin by having an affair- especially with his close friend.

3.       Meeting an ex you still love or are attracted to: Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends are potential future affair partners and the reason why some people who did not intend to have affairs eventually get into one. In a situation where an individual did not marry the love of her life but married someone else either to please family or for business reasons, there is a high probability of having an affair with the ex later on in life.

4.       Boredom with present relationship: Readers who watched the movie series ‘Twilight’ may be familiar with the high profile relationship between co-stars Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, as well as her affair with married movie director Rupert Sanders. Previously, Kristen had admitted to feeling bored in the relationship. She is not alone in this regard. Many people in a relationship tend to feel stuck in a rut after sometime and engage in extramarital affairs  just to ‘spice things up’.

5.       To climb the corporate ladder: A person may engage in an affair with the boss if they feel that doing so will quicken their rise up the corporate ladder.

6.       For the thrill of it: Some individuals like the challenge of wooing and ‘conquering’ a person who seems to be out of their reach, such as a married man or woman. Such people have no scruples or boundaries. To them, all’s fair in love and war.

7. The love of cold, hard, cash: Some people date married men or women just for the love of cold, hard, cash. It's that simple.

8. Long-distance relationship: A couple involved in a long-distance relationship may find it more difficult to resist the temptation of extramarital affairs since the love of their life is physically,and sometimes emotionally, unavailable.

       There are other numerous reasons  why people engage in extramarital affairs. Curiously though , the  spouse being cheated upon is usually the last to know about it, and often he or she hears about it through a friend or from the cheating partner. It is also often ironic that many times, the other man or woman is not as attractive, smart or educated as the innocent partner at home.

WHAT PEOPLE GAIN FROM HAVING EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS

      Tunji*, a successful businessman who has been involved in an affair with a married woman, believes that the advantage of dating married women is that they 'have no expectations from men. It's all about the sex or the emotional attachment. There are no strings attached. A single woman, however, may expect you to leave your wife and children for her sake'.

       Other people cite financial rewards as the advantages of dating married people. Philomena*, a university undergraduate, believes that married men are more generous with their money and know how to pamper ladies as opposed to single men.

      For others still, it's all about the status and prestige  they gain by dating a highly placed married man/woman. Whatever the case may be, it is clear that there are some things enjoyed from extramarital affairs, if not, many people would not indulge in it.

            [* : not real name]

          HOW EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS END

      Despite the seeming advantages of extramarital affairs, they don't always have good endings. The possible outcome of an extramarital affair could be:

1.       Separation: In this part of the world, it is difficult for many cheating spouses to leave their spouse for a lover and so most affairs never end in marriage despite the fact that the other woman may have had a child or children for the man or may have committed abortions for him. The wife and children at home often times have the husband’s first attention, while the lover has to endure secret meetings and gossip of neighbours as affairs are difficult to hide. The cheating spouse usually goes back to his/her family after the affair loses its excitement.

2.      Marriage: This may happen if the cheating spouse chooses to divorce their partner to marry the lover, or if the man is an adherent of a religion that supports polygamy.

3.    Blackmail:  A lot of people who thought they were in an affair with the love of their life eventually ended up being blackmailed by the so-called love. Ugly but true.

4.       Injury or Death in extreme cases: It is not unheard of for an obsessed lover to harm or kill his or her partner on being informed that the relationship is coming to an end. Also, the spouse of a cheating partner could cause the injury or death of one of the lovers.

To be continued...

Do you have an experience or a comment you would like to share with other readers? Please feel free to comment below.

A thought to ponder...

HILARIOUS...

I found this quite hilarious...

INDEPENDENCE DAY BOOK REVIEW

Hello readers. Today Nigeria celebrates the 56^th anniversary of her independence from the British colonial masters. I have chosen to commemorate the anniversary by reviewing the book: ‘To kill a Mockingbird’ by Harper Lee. I have especially chosen this book because it portrays life as it was at a time when the White man was seen as superior to the Black man. Even though Blacks are now seen to be free, I wonder: are we truly free? Is racism really over? Do Blacks truly have equal rights like their White counterparts? A look at what’s happening between White police officers and Black men in America seems to suggest the very opposite. Also, Barbara Streisand’s recent article refers to a poll which reveals that one in four Trump supporters believe that slavery should not have been abolished. This makes the equal rights talk sound like mere rhetoric. Please feel free to comment in the comment section below.

To kill a Mockingbird is the story of life as seen through the eyes of a white, six year old girl named Jean Louise [Scout] Finch. It is divided into two parts. Part one is an account of Scout’s childhood adventures with her brother, Jem Finch, and their neighbour, a boy named Dill. In this part, Scout learns of various divisions in the town: black versus white, educated versus non-educated, free versus slave, etc. She is also told by her brother, Jem, that she can kill any bird but never a mockingbird as mockingbirds are innocent and are quite useful to humans.

The crux of the story is found in part two where Scout’s father, a lawyer named Atticus, has to defend a black man [Tom Robinson] who was accused of rape by a young white woman, Mayella Ewell.  In court, Tom denies the allegation, explaining that Mayella asked him to do some work in her house and while doing it, she attempted to seduce him. In the process of trying to escape from her grasp, her father, Bob Ewell, came into the house and accused Tom of raping his daughter. Atticus, an honest man, gives convincing evidence to show that Tom is innocent but unfortunately the all-white jury declares Tom guilty. The court case sparks off a series of ugly incidents afterwards, with Tom eventually being killed while trying to escape from prison and Bob Ewell coming after Atticus and his family for daring to defend a black man in a white community…

ABOUT HARPER LEE

Harper Lee wrote To kill a Mockingbird in 1960. The book became an instant bestseller and went on to win the Pulitzer Prize. It was translated into ten languages a year after publication and is used as a literature book in some American schools.

MY THOUGHTS ON THE BOOK…

To kill a Mockingbird is a brilliant book by Harper Lee. The book highlights the various forms of discrimination existing in the society back then, with the major emphasis being on racial discrimination [White versus Black], as well as  gender discrimination and religious hypocrisy. A little warning: the book is filled with racial slurs and epithets that may be offensive to read. Keep in mind, though, that this was the sort of language used to describe our forefathers at the time even though they are now considered offensive in our own time.

LESSONS WE CAN GLEAN FROM THE BOOK:

1. 

 Initially, when it was revealed that Atticus would defend Tom, the white people in the town were against him but when he stood his ground and refused to back down in the face of intimidation,some of them were won over to his side and they began to support him. In your own way, how do you intend to fight against discrimination today? Even as we celebrate Nigeria’s Independence, the onus is on us as individuals to refuse to propagate discrimination against people based on their skin colour, gender, religion, political affiliation, ethnic group, or any other strata we could think of. Remember; when there is discrimination in the society, both the person who discriminates as well as the one who is discriminated against suffer. 

2. There is a price to be paid for being involved in the fight against discrimination. 

In the book, Atticus’ stand almost cost him the life of his children. In real life, Martin Luther King paid for his courage with his life. Nelson Mandela paid for it with his family and 27 years imprisonment. The fight against any form of discrimination is never easy, and to think otherwise is to deceive oneself.  Nothing good comes easy. To quote Martin Luther;

Discrimination occurs almost everywhere-in offices, homes, religious houses, schools etc, and though the modern ‘freedom fighter’ may not be required to pay for freedom with his/her life, he/she may miss out on office promotions, business contracts , sponsorship and advertisement, etc, for daring to be involved in the fight against discrimination. So the question is…can you take the heat? Because as the old adage says, ‘if you cannot stand the heat, get out of the kitchen'

Finally, it is important that the war against discrimination of any sort is thoughtfully planned and intelligently fought. To end with another quote by Desmond Tutu:

TYING IT ALL TOGETHER
Virtually every previously colonized nation in the world has gained independence from its colonial master, yet, despite this freedom, one finds that different forms of discrimination still exist in the world today, ranging from ethnic and gender discrimination to racial and religious discrimination. So the question is: what are you going to do about it? Will you be silent and pretend it doesn't exist, or will you take a stand against it? The choice is yours to make.