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BOOK OF THE WEEK: WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO

Hello, people.

They say love is blind, and nowhere is this demonstrated as much as in marriage.  A cursory look at marriages around may cause one to ask in some instances: ‘What on earth did he see in her?’ or ‘How could she have married him despite so-and-so?’

When hubby and I were dating, I found certain characteristics of his to be quite strange then [and I know he felt the same way too]. My husband tends to be a bit finicky and his attention to details does drive me mad sometimes. Not that I am not a detailed person; but, I mean, who cares to know how many kilometres he or she covered in the past thirty minutes? Oh wait, I know one person who does care…hubby dearest. 

Who cares what sort of bedspread is on the bed as long as it’s a clean one? You guessed right...hubby dearest. Who cares to watch out for landmarks when driving; after all, what is Google Map for? You guessed right again. Hubby dearest. I remember saying to him one day: ‘You know what, baby? You need to relax, your world won’t collapse around you if things are not done to perfection.’ He looked at me like I was insane; and I think at some point he did think I was; after all, how can someone just not care to set landmarks when driving, or to calculate the kilometres they covered, or to try to lay the bed to perfection, or to write down how much curry and thyme is needed for spicing food or to…and the list goes on and on.

The day I read Tim Lahaye’s Why You Act the Way You Do, a light bulb went on in my head [and in his too, I might add.] It became obvious that neither of us was trying to drive the other person crazy; we were just acting the way we were wired. Some people are born perfectionists; others, like me, learn to be. Some are born introverts, others, extroverts. In the book, Tim Lahaye suggests that temperament is a combination of inborn traits that subconsciously affect our behaviour. He also proposes that temperament influences everything about us such as our eating, shopping and study habits, our driving skills, our handwriting, and even the way we discipline our children.

 I consider this book to be one of the best on temperaments especially because of its simple language and illustrations that help to buttress its points. Those about to wed as well as the already married will find it useful for understanding their partner. Workers will also find it useful for workplace and everyday interactions as the book promotes an understanding of people and how to relate with them. Please feel free to leave your comments after reading.

Do have a wonderful week.

The book Why You Act the Way You Do was written by Tim Lahaye in 1984 and initially published under the title Your Temperament: Discover its Potential. In the book, Tim Lahaye claims that temperament is a combination of inborn traits that subconsciously affect our behaviour, and that it influences everything about us such as our eating, shopping and study habits, our driving skills, our handwriting, and even the way we discipline our children.  He identifies four basic temperament types viz;

1.     Sanguine

2.     Choleric

3.     Melancholy

4.     Phlegmatic

Lahaye also lists describes some of the strengths and weaknesses of each:

Temperament	Strength	Weakness
Sanguines	Outgoing, Enthusiastic, Warm And Friendly	Undisciplined And Emotionally Unstable.
Choleric	Determined, Independent, Practical, Visionary.	Cold And Unemotional, Domineering, Unforgiving, Cruel.
Melancholy	Analytical, Self-Sacrificing, Self-Disciplined, Industrious	Moody, Revengeful, Touchy, Critical.
Phlegmatic	Calm, Dependable, Efficient, Humorous	Procrastinator, Indecisive, Unmotivated, Fearful.

 In addition, Tim states that many people do not possess just one temperament, rather, the average person possesses a combination of two or more temperaments. He states and describes twelve blends of temperament in the book, some of which include:

1.     Sanguine-Melancholy: The SanMel is highly emotional and fluctuates drastically. They can laugh hysterically one minute and burst into tears the next. They genuinely feel the grief of others and cannot watch melancholic movies or listen to sad songs without bursting into tears. They however tend to be uninhibited perfectionists and could be quite critical of others.

2.     Choleric-Sanguine: The ChlorSan is quite activity prone and is inclined to be an excellent motivator of people. They are apt to be fearless and exhibit boundless energy. They however tend to be quite hostile, opinionated and manipulative.

3.     Choleric- Phlegmatic: The ChlorPhleg is extremely capable, organized and hard working, even though he/she may not seem that way at first. People usually enjoy working with them because they know where they are going but are not too severe with people. They tend to harbour resentment and bitterness, however, and could be subtly sarcastic and stubborn.

4.     Melancholy-Sanguine: The MelSan is usually gifted in the Arts and has the tendency to become an excellent teacher because of his/her attention to details and good communication skills. They are however prone to mood swings; they could be fantastically happy when things are going well  but severly depressed when things are not going as planned. The MelSan can also be unreasonably critical, idealistic, and hard on others.

5.     Melancholy-Choleric: The MelChlor temperament possesses strong leadership ability, self will and determination. They are perfectionists and pay great attention to details. However, they are extremely difficult people to please, rarely satisfying even themselves. They tend to be nitpickers and usually criticize other people frequently, thus alienating themselves from people.

6.     Phlegmatic- Choleric: The PhlegChlor is easy to get along with and is usually an excellent group leader. This temperament also makes for good counsellors as they have good listening skills and are genuinely interested in other people. However, they are apt to be stubborn and uncooperative if things don’t go as they wish.

Tim Lahaye goes on to evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of each temperament and suggests ways of strengthening one’s temperament weakness. Furthermore, he describes vocations that are suitable for each temperament type as well as the behaviour of each temperament in marriage and spiritual affairs.

I find this book to be one of the most comprehensive on the subject of temperaments, and even though there are many other books on the same subject [some of them with complicated names that one is prone to forget after reading], this book remains one of my go-to books when I need to consult on the subject. I recommend this book to individuals interested in learning about their temperament, as well as to couples, parents, teachers and counsellors.

A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT...

Hello, people.

Joe Vitale says that a goal should scare you a little, and excite you a lot. One can also rephrase this as: 'A dream should scare you a little, and excite you a lot.' Many of us have dreams for the future but sometimes one wonders, 'Can this dream ever come to pass?'

If you have ever wondered thus, you are not alone.
I remember when I started blogging. My fear then was: 'Will people visit the blog?' Especially seeing as many Nigerians are more familiar with news blogs as opposed to lifestyle/culture blogs. Nine months down the line, I am very glad I took the step of faith and launched out into the deep. I have made connections that I could never have made without launching the blog, and my writing skills have also improved tremendously. I have also started writing [or rather, almost finished writing] my first book, a novel. But more on that in a later post.

  Based on my own experiences, I believe the key to fulfilling a dream is first to have faith, and then to take a step of faith each day that will bring you closer to your dream. As a quote says:

As they say: 'inch by inch, it's a cinch.' Take that one step of faith today, everyday. And watch as your dreams come to pass. 

Do have a lovely week.

BOOK REVIEW: THE TEN COMMANDMENTS of WORKING in a HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT

Hello people.

A Gallup poll released in 2013 showed that only 13% of workers feel a passion for their job and a deep connection to their employer. The same poll showed that 63% of workers are unhappy at their jobs and put  in little or no energy in it while the remaining 24% of workers are actively disengaged from their jobs; they hate their jobs and feel frustrated by it.

It might be easy for one to overlook the data; after all, this survey was probably taken in the US or the UK and so has no bearing on Africa, right? Wrong! The information was gathered from workers in 142 countries, including African countries.

In reality, some of us might not need a poll or a soothsayer to inform us that many people are unhappy at work, a simple look in the mirror as well as a discussion with our acquaintances is sometimes all that is needed. But, one may ask, why are so many people unhappy at work? Reasons could range from having a petty boss to having to meet deadlines that are sometimes ulcer-causing, but whatever the case may be, the bottom line still remains…many people are unhappy at work. So what’s a person to do?

The good news is; one can always resign from the organization. The bad news is…wait, there are two, actually. One; the next job might not be forthcoming thus rendering one jobless for a while, and two, the probability of encountering hostile conditions in the next environment is quite high [Don't believe me? Ask workers who change jobs virtually every other year. They will confirm my statement].

This week, I have chosen to review the book ‘The Ten Commandments of Working in a Hostile Environment’ by T.D Jakes. Full of sage advice, the book will come in handy for people experiencing unhappiness in their place of work. Workers presently enjoying their place of work will also find ideas in the book which, if implemented, could enhance their feeling of satisfaction on the job.Enjoy.

The Ten Commandments of Working in a Hostile Environment is a book written by Thomas Dexter Jakes and published by The Berkeley Publishing Group. In the book, T.D Jakes explains how one can rise above petty conflicts and turn obstacles into opportunities. Some of the commandments described in the book include:

First Commandment: Know that you are anointed for the job or position you now hold:

T.D Jakes asserts that one of the first impulses workers must control is the tendency to think that the grass is always greener on the other side. He posits that people are strategically placed in certain offices for a Divine Assignment and that often times, adverse circumstances serve as a training ground to develop strength of character.

Second Commandment: Don't expect to be appreciated.

T.D Jakes maintains in this chapter that a workplace is not the place to receive affirmation.  He further contends that the craving for appreciation in the workplace is what often leads to great disappointment as it gives others the power to influence our sense of worth, among other things. He encourages his readers not to take things personally and to know who they are apart from what they do, emphasizing that it is OK to expect appreciation from family, friends and acquaintances but not from work, adding that work is just what it sounds like: work.

Third commandment: Embrace opportunities for change.

T.D Jakes postulates here that change is one of the greatest sources of friction in work environments. This change could be in form of a transfer from one department to another, a change in one’s line manager, etc.  He encourages readers to view transition as a means to the next level and gives some practical advice for dealing with changes in the workplace, one of which includes being careful about what you say in the office and refusing to be a loose cannon. T.D Jakes further adds that speaking one’s mind is not always the best course of action to take despite what people say as often times we end up violating our own privacy as a result.

Fourth Commandment: Do the job well while remembering the vision.

In this chapter, T.D Jakes maintains that the secret to performing our duties well without becoming disgruntled or bored is to maintain a vision of where we’re headed in the future. He exhorts readers to maintain a double vision; to make the most of the present while anticipating the future. He further warns readers to be careful not to make money the primary reason for working otherwise one runs the risk of prostituting oneself to the highest bidder and missing one’s higher purpose.

Fifth Commandment: Don’t let the environment get inside of you: Negative attitudes, harmful behaviour, and insidious gossip can make one lose his/her peace, joy and vision, according to T.D Jakes. When this happens, depression becomes the inevitable outcome. For this reason, it is important that one takes precautions against such harmful emotions. T.D Jakes suggests that the first measure to take is to attend to proper spiritual nutrition. In other words, this is the time to be as close to God as possible so as to receive spiritual strength. In addition to this, he strongly urges readers to maintain boundaries between work life and other facets of life stating that work is not the place to air personal problems or receive therapy. The person you aired your marital problems to today might prevent you from tackling the next big assignment tomorrow citing the excuse that your preoccupation with your marital issues might affect your performance on the assignment! He advises readers to take time to rest, to engage in physical exercise and to cultivate meaningful relationships outside of work.

Other commandments described in the book are:

Sixth Commandment: Increase your capacity to work with difficult personalities.

Seventh Commandment: Where you are is not where you are going.

Eight Commandment: Achieve optimal results with minimal confusion.

Ninth Commandment: Do not pledge allegiance to cliques and groups [My favourite chapter].

Tenth Commandment: Always keep your song near you.

Readers used to T.D Jakes style of writing will know that he is usually poetical in his writings [Think Woman Thou Art Loosed and The Lady, The Lover and her Lord]; however he deviated from his norm with this book and was quite pragmatic in his writing. I recommend this book to every worker; I guarantee that you will find it handy and will keep referring to it again and again.

Have you read this book before? If so, what’s your take on it? For first time readers, do you feel inspired to read the book after reading this review? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.

BOOK REVIEW: THE 21 IRREFUTABLE LAWS OF LEADERSHIP BY JOHN MAXWELL

Hello people.

The subject of leadership is one that has always held a great fascination for me. There was a time I was a strong believer in leadership maxims like ‘a pack of sheep led by a lion is stronger than a pack of lions led by a sheep’ and ‘everything rises and falls on leadership’, however, certain incidents caused me to rethink some of these maxims and to wonder: is strong leadership ability enough, or are there other factors that determine the success of a leader apart from leadership ability?

I remember a particular organisation I worked for a few years ago. The Head of the organisation at the time was a queer person with a terrible character; everyone rejoiced when the Board of Governors sacked him and got a new Head with the relevant degrees, appropriate experience and charisma for the job. The general feeling then was that all problems had been solved and that the organisation was headed for utopia. Little did we know that the problems had only just begun.

It was not long before people began to grumble about the new Head, with complaints ranging from his seeming 'superiority complex’ to his autocratic nature. It was at that point I began to rethink my view of leadership and to believe that apart from strong leadership ability, there are other important factors that could enhance the success or cause the downfall of a leader.

It is for this reason that I chose to review the book ‘The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership’ by John Maxwell. Whether you are the leader of a big corporation or a small group of volunteers, the information contained in the book will come in quite handy and help you to be more effective at carrying out your leadership responsibilities.

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership is a classic book written by John Maxwell on the subject of leadership. In the book, John states that leadership requires the ability to do more than one thing well. He then goes on to describe twenty one laws that leaders must be conversant with if they are to be effective at leading people.  Some of the laws described in the book are:

1.    The Law of Influence: Maxwell describes five common myths about leadership viz: the management myth, the entrepreneur myth, the knowledge myth, the pioneer myth and the position myth. He then asserts that the true measure of leadership is influence, stating that a real leader is one who is able to influence followers with or without leverage. Maxwell goes on to list factors that can increase a leader’s influence with his/her followers, such as possessing good character, forming meaningful relationships with followers, possessing quality experience, having a good track record of success and demonstrating strong leadership ability.

2.    The Law of Process: John Maxwell asserts in this chapter that leadership develops daily, not in a day. He explains the phases of leadership growth and emphasizes that leaders are learners, stating that there are no overnight successes. In his words: ‘leadership doesn’t develop in a day but in a lifetime’, and, ‘to lead tomorrow, learn today’.

3.    The Law of the Inner Circle: Maxwell states that leaders do not succeed alone and that a leader’s potential is determined by those closest to him. He describes the advantages of having a good team and advises leaders to consider the following questions before admitting individuals into their inner circle: [a] Does this individual have high influence with other people? [b] Do they hold a strategic position in the organization? [c] Do they add value to me and to the organization? etc. He ends the chapter with this statement: ‘If you want to increase your capacity and maximize your potential as a leader, your first step is always to become the best leader you can. The next is to surround yourself with the best leaders you can find.'

4.    The Law of Sacrifice: Maxwell states that a common misconception among people is that leadership is all about position, perks and power. He goes on to dispel the misconception, stating that sacrifice is the heart of leadership. Quoting philosopher–poet Ralph Waldo Emerson who observed that “ For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something”, John asserts that leaders are often asked to give up more than others and that the more responsibility one accepts, the fewer options the person has.

5.    The Law of Timing: John Maxwell states here that timing is everything; it is often the difference between the success and failure of an endeavour. He postulates that the wrong action at the wrong time leads to disaster, the right action at the wrong time brings resistance, the wrong action at the right time is a mistake, and the right action at the right time results in success. He concludes the chapter with the statement: ‘Reading a situation and knowing what to do are not enough to make you succeed in leadership. If you want your organisation, department or team to move forward, you must pay attention to timing. Only the right action at the right time will bring success. Anything else exacts a high price.’

There are other powerful laws described by John Maxwell in the book such as the Law of the Lid, the Law of Magnetism and the Law of the Big Mo, and the illustrations accompanying each law serve to make the book more captivating to the reader. Unfortunately, I cannot describe all the laws in this post but suffice it to say that leaders and potential leaders will definitely find this book worth reading.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

John Maxwell is an American author and speaker who has written many books, especially books on leadership.  The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership was written by John Maxwell in 1998 and revised ten years later. As at 2007, it had sold over a million copies and has been on bestseller lists like the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Business Week, and more. In 2014, John Maxwell was named the No. 1 Leadership and Management expert in the world by Inc. Magazine.

BOOK REVIEW: DELIVER US FROM EVIL

Deliver Us from Evil is a classic book with a timeless message on the subject of evil. Written by beloved speaker and author Ravi Zacharias, the book is divided into three sections:

Section One: The Moods of the Present

Section Two: Voices from the Past

Section Three: The Face of the Future

In Section One : The Moods of the Present, Ravi proposes that there are three theories that give birth to unspeakable evil in any society, and the theories are: Secularism, Pluralism and Privatisation.

According to Ravi, secularism (the assertion that public life is to be conducted without reference to religion) is the first step to unmanageable evil. In his own words: ‘ If the supernatural is irrational, what will the secularist use as a point of reference for rationality?...Or is each one to depend on his or her own inner voice? How then does one differentiate between the inner voices of reason and unreason in that case?’

Ravi waxes philosophical here and proposes that secularism leads to a loss of shame because there is no reference point for evil. He further states that the evils done to children by responsible adults and family members are not crimes born of hate but are passions unleashed and justified by a conscience bereft of shame or remorse.

Pluralism as defined in the book is the existence...of a number of world views, each vying for the allegiance of individuals, with no single world view dominant. According to Ravi, the great hazard of pluralism is the faulty deduction in the name of tolerance that all beliefs can be equally true. Ravi states that secularism leads to a loss of shame and pluralism leads to a loss of reason. He further asserts that while secularism breeds an evil that can victimize those we love, pluralism breeds an evil that victimizes those different from us, those we do not claim to love.

Privatisation of religion as described in the book is the socially required and legally enforced separation of our private lives and public personas. It mandates that issues of ultimate meaning be relegated to our private spheres. Ravi proposes that privatisation leads to a loss of meaning and that it victimizes the self. According to him, to imprison a sacred belief within a private realm is to kill the belief until people no longer know who they are. He further makes the assertion that the premise of privatisation is flawed because it assumes that one's private beliefs have nothing to do with public life, whereas in reality who we are in public is determined by what we learned and cherished in private.

In Section Two, Ravi goes on to refer to the history of great civilizations in the past and lessons that can be learned from them, while in Section Three, he makes a case for moral absolutes which enables man have a point of reference. According to him, the first step in receiving deliverance from evil is accepting that there are moral boundaries that should not be crossed. He postulates that the refusal to draw a line between the sacred and the profane, the pulling down of moral fences, is what leads to uncontrollable evil in any society. He also argues that true and effective morality is dependent upon reverence for God, stating that without reverence there is no morality and without God there is no reverence, thus, the inability of the perpetrator of wickedness to feel emotion is the result of a society that has trained itself not to feel guilty when wrong is committed.

Deliver Us from Evil is a profound and philosophical book and it is clear from the book that Ravi Zacharias is a student of history as well as an ardent reader of literature, hence the quotes from books like  Oscar Wilde's Picture of Dorian Gray, Goethe’s Faust, etc. This serves as an excellent motivator for reading Ravi Zacharias’ books. If one will not read them for the philosophical content contained therein, one can at least read his books to tap into the wealth of history and literature contained within.

BOOK REVIEW: HOW THEY STARTED DIGITAL

How They Started Digital is a book published in Nigeria by Beulahland Publications, with permission from Crimson Publishers UK. In the book, founders of various businesses like Wikipedia, Google, Twitter, Linkedln , eBay, Spotify, Tripadvisor, etc, are interviewed, and each of them is gracious enough to share their success story; how they started, the challenges they faced, and how they overcame those challenges. Below is a sneak peak of some stories that can be found in the book:

Wikipedia: Started in 2001 by Jimmy Wales [age: 34]. Jimmy’s interest in encyclopaedias began at an early age and in the 1990s, he decided to create a free online encyclopaedia using a software that would enable every user - not just programmers- to write and edit web information. He called this site; Nupedia. Nupedia was not a success due to various reasons such as the lack of a business plan on Jimmy’s part, a clunky software, and the lengthy process of sourcing contributors. In the end, Jimmy had to go back to the drawing board and re-evaluate his idea and in 2001, Wikipedia was born. Wikipedia has faced its own challenges as well but despite this, it is still the largest general reference work on the internet and the sixth most popular website in the world as at the time of writing.

Mumsnet: Started in 2000 by Justine Roberts and Carrie Longton [age: 33 and 35]. The inspiration for mumsnet came to Justine after she experienced appalling childcare at a resort supposed to be ‘family-friendly’. She and Carrie decided to start a website that would enable parents swap useful information on everything regarding children and family. They planned to raise funds from advertisements placed on the site by relevant retailers. The idea was a novel one at the time and they soon started work on the test site which was eventually launched in 2000. Not long after this, however, the economic environment changed considerably and the pair did not get the funding they hoped for. This forced them to look for other ways of monetising the business and by 2002 they launched the first Mumsnet book, Mums on Babies. Other books, magazines, and television series have since been produced by Mumsnet and by 2012, the site was receiving 2.3 monthly visitors and a yearly turnover of $5 million.

Linkedln: Started in 2003 by Reid Hoffman [age: 35]. He experienced the challenges faced by most businesses, namely: raising capital for the business and having an edge over competitors.  However, he was eventually able to overcome the problem of finances and the system of encouraging value connections and discouraging random connections between members of Linkedln helped to set it apart from other social networks. By 2010 Linkedln was worth an estimated $2 billion.

There are many other such success stories in the book and unfortunately I cannot summarise them all. Suffice to say that the book is definitely worth reading, and for readers who are not necessarily interested in digital businesses but in other business types, other books worth reading in the series include: