TIPS FOR FINDING MR/MS RIGHT

Hello dear reader. Recently I had cause to counsel some single friends of mine on dating and finding a life partner, and this write-up is based to some extent on those discussions. Please read, learn, enjoy and comment.

TIPS FOR FINDING MR/MS RIGHT

1.       Know who you are: While this sounds like a no-brainer, the number of people who are not really in touch with themselves and who do not know what they want is surprising. Who exactly are you and what do you want? Are you a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky kind of person, or are you a person who takes life seriously? Are you a stickler for details, or can you overlook certain things? Failure to come to terms with who you are can make you prone to making a mistake in the choice of partner.

2.       Know what you want: Make a list of the characteristics you wish a would-be partner to possess. Ask yourself what you want in a partner. Be truthful and honest with yourself. Are you looking for someone who is tall, dark and handsome? Are you looking for a wealthy prince? Are you interested in a domestic woman, a spit-fire feminist or a woman in between? You should have on your list at least ten qualities you want in a man/woman, and this should ideally encompass physical, spiritual, mental, financial and emotional attributes.  Many times people make the mistake of leaving out one or more of the components, e.g saying ‘I don’t care what a man looks like so long as he is godly’ or ‘ I need a beautiful woman irrespective of how emotionally mature she may be’. However, as those who are married know, a healthy balance of all components is important if one hopes to live “happily ever after”.

3.       Compromise: After making your list, ask yourself: is there anything on this list I can do without? For instance, can I do without the ‘dark’ in the tall, dark and handsome? If you are a punctual person, can you date a woman who is a perpetual latecomer? If you are an active church goer, can you date a man who sees religion as the ‘opium of the masses’? These questions must be honestly answered by you. Note that taste and preferences differ from individual to individual, and what may be trivial to another individual may not be trivial to you. For instance while one woman may say ‘I don’t care about a man’s height, I can marry a short/tall man, to another woman height may be a big deal. Be who you are and refuse to apologise for your preferences. Also, always remember that whatever choice you make, you, and not other people, will have to live with it for the rest of your life, so choose wisely.

4.       Visibility: Now that you know who you are and what you want, it’s time to be visible. Get seen. You cannot find Mr/Miss Right by staying at home all day. Places to search for a partner include youth groups, religious houses, sports club, etc. It is generally advisable that you seek for a partner in an area of passion so you can have shared interests; for instance if you are very active in a church, then it makes sense to seek out a life partner who also loves church activities.  A word of caution though as regards religious houses: In the past it was assumed that if one wanted a good wife/husband, one had to go to church to find one, but many people are realizing now that ‘not all that glitters is gold’, and not every churchgoer is good wife/husband material, so please be warned.

5.       Advertise! Let your close friends and family know that you are looking for someone, but please give them your specifications so you don’t have every Tom, Dick and Harry knocking at your door. Do not be afraid of meeting friends of friends, some people met their life partner that way.

6.       Pamper yourself: While on the look-out for a potential partner, be sure to pamper yourself. One hard, seemingly terrifying question I like to ask singles is this: ‘What if you could see far ahead into the future and no husband/wife is in that future, what would happen right now? Would you kill yourself? Would you drag any person off the street and marry them on the spot? Or would you take a long bath, dress yourself, and go out to enjoy life as best as you can? I believe option C makes the most sense, so start living like that today. While you wait for Mr/Miss Right, go ahead and have fun. Travel to places if you can, meet new people and do ‘internship’ in the houses of married people so you can see what being a married man/woman entails. And always remember, single or married, you are a person of inestimable worth, deserving to love and be loved, so take good care of yourself anyway.

NAKED BODIES, BIRTHDAY GIFTS AND CELEBRITIES

Yesterday, the internet was abuzz with naked pictures of pregnant Blac Chyna, [fiancée to Rob Kardashian] as well as the semi-naked picture of Karrueche Tran, Chris Brown’s former girlfriend. The pictures, as can be expected, provoked all sorts of reactions ranging from comments of admiration to those of irritation and disgust.

For me, however, those pictures provoked a mental trip down memory lane to how far the world has come. There was a time in the 1800s when people’s outfits generally looked like this:

Centuries later, the story has changed. People evolved from being fully clothed to being partially clothed, and now you can even walk around semi-naked if you wish. It all depends on the country you live in.

Basically there are three types of people who don’t see anything wrong or strange in showcasing their nudity for the world to see.

Type A: People who are rebelling against society in general and religion in particular. Most times such people have had terrible religious experiences in the past and so their own way of getting back against religion is to rebel against it. Such people love pushing and encouraging others to push moral boundaries.

Type B: Those who feel they must pose nude for career sake, e.g acting and music. The demands of the modern day acting job seem to be such that actors and actresses must be prepared to play any role, including nude ones. Hmmm…..

Type C:  People who like posing naked because it makes them feel sexy and powerful. They like the power they wield over those who drool over their naked body, even if it’s just temporary.

It should be stated that type B and C people are subsets of type A. However, whatever category a person may belong to, one thing is clear: all three types of people are in search of one form of fulfillment or the other. But at what price? For the boundary pusher, it is quite clear that there comes a time when there are no longer any boundaries to push. The evolving of the female attire over the years is a very good example. First, there was the era of the total cover up; when women covered themselves from head to toe for modesty’s sake. Centuries later, women rebelled against such clothing. Necklines became steeper and hemlines shorter. Shorts became shorts in the real sense of the word. Bikinis replaced one piece bathing suits for the most part. But then a curious thing happened, and is still happening. These various stages of rebellion did not bring the satisfaction expected; rather it only brought a craving to break more boundaries, because human wants and desires are insatiable. Enter the era of nakedness. Many celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose, Jennifer Aniston, etc, posed naked for various magazine covers in an effort to destroy all boundaries. So the question is…what now? We’ve seen Kim Kardashian et al naked. *yawn* Next one please!  

And this is the problem with destroying boundaries: it often promises a fulfillment that it cannot deliver. No matter how voluptuous a person’s body may be, there will always be someone else even more voluptuous…and there will always be people who are disgusted at the sight of naked people on magazines or TV. So either way, it’s a lose-lose situation. You may please some people by posing naked but eventually your body holds no appeal for them even if you remain perpetually naked, and you put off other people.

This is an appeal to the present- day woman: there are few things as admirable as a strong, feminine, confident, and MYSTERIOUS woman. A woman who knows that she has power, but who chooses not to abuse it. A woman who knows that she can drive men crazy if she decides to strip naked today, but who is very aware that there is more to life than men, women and sex, that life is all about adding value to people. And thank God that there are many such women out there, despite the media’s claim to the contrary. They are women who ‘walk like the boss and talk like the boss’ whether they be career women or housewives, and though the media tries to label them as women who are ‘ashamed of their sexuality’, the truth is that they are more in touch with and in control of their own sexuality than those who pose naked for fame, money, or in defiance of religion and society.

A stylishly dressed woman is like a beautifully wrapped birthday gift- You not only love the gift, you also love the excitement of unwrapping it.

I will like to conclude with this analogy: Seeing a naked person on the cover of a magazine or on TV is like being given an unwrapped birthday gift-You sort of wish the person had wrapped it and allowed you the excitement of unwrapping it. It’s also like being given something that everyone else has- you find it difficult to value it. I sometimes wish I could peep into the minds of the spouses of those who have posed naked publicly. How does it feel like knowing that men [or women] around the world have a saved picture or video of their naked spouse? Are they really happy about it as they claim, or are they seething inside with anger and jealousy? Imagine having an actor husband who was naked in one of his films, and then one day you discover that your friend has your husband’s naked picture on her laptop. Some will say ‘as long as people look at my spouse’s body but don’t touch, I’m OK with that’.  I won’t say too much about that except this: Seeing often goes before touching. Doubt me? Go ask Brad Pitt, Simon Cowell, and all others who have been unfaithful to their wives or betrayed their best friends. They will confirm my statement.

KISSED THE GIRLS AND MADE THEM CRY: Why Women Lose When They Give In (Author: Lisa Bevere)

For a couple of weeks, I've heard and read things pertaining to feminism- especially in the area of sexuality.

Some feminists advocate that women should have sexual freedom, just like men. That they should be free to have sex with whoever they want, whenever they want.

I read a book (title above) several years ago that answered these arguments and so, I went again to the store to buy my second copy. Since the book is quite solid, I’ve decided to give an overview by way of clips and summaries of the beautiful thoughts the author shared. Enjoy!

We (women) believed the lie that sexual promiscuity- freedom to have sex with whoever, whenever- would set us free; but ultimately, it is women who suffer the most when the laws of love are desecrated.

No matter how far you have gone, it is a lie to feel that because you have compromised sexually in the past, you no longer have the right to say NO.

Your ability to inspire lust in men by the way you dress, speak or act is not equal to personal empowerment. The guys don’t want you for yourself; they simply want to relieve themselves of sexual tension, and you look available to help them.

Wake up! Where is the power sexual freedom for women promises? We are not winning. We are being conquered! Where is your honour, dignity, strength?

As women, we desire more than sexual release. We crave intimacy, romance and passion. We want to know and be known… but men are not interested in knowing more thoroughly and intimately, those they have known too quickly (by way of sex), no matter how many movies may suggest otherwise.
Culture says you are either a nice, weak, compliant female or a strong, aggressive, sexually free woman. But there are other options! There is a higher and more powerful way for women to adorn themselves: honour, mystery, strength, dignity, insisting on being treated with respect and accepting nothing less. Men do not want to attack and conquer such women; they want to be worthy of her.
Promiscuity gives women the freedom to behave sexually like men but the truth is, regardless of how we behave, we will never be men so why should we act like them?

'Indeed in all the promises made to us about our ability to achieve freedom and independence as women, the promise of sexual emancipation may have been the most illusory. These days, certainly, it is the one most brutally learned. All the sexual bravado a girl may possess evaporates the first time a boy she truly cares for makes it clear that he has no further use for her after his own body has been satisfied. No amount of feminist posturing, no amount of reassurances that she doesn’t need a guy like that anyway, can protect her from the pain and humiliation of those awful moments after he’s gone, when she’s alone and feeling not sexually empowered but discarded.'
Danielle Crittenden, What our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us (New York: Touchstone, 1999), 31.


This ends my summary of the author's thoughts. Of course, this is a very brief overview so it will be of greater benefit to get the book yourself. Michelle Hammond Mckinney's Secrets of an Irresistible Woman is also an excellent read on this subject.

In conclusion, I will like to add that this is not just about waiting till you walk the aisle before giving yourself sexually to a man. It’s far more.


For many ladies, we desperately need to find out our purpose in life. We need to embrace ourselves, discover who we are: quirks, ticks and all. We need to get busy with life: pursuing our dreams, developing skills and getting busy being useful to ourselves and others. In summary, adding value to ourselves.

Then when Mr … comes, we will be well developed to answer the important questions of whether he is worth spending a lifetime with... and of course, whether he is worth our precious self. 

This piece was written by Geraldine Ofulue, a lawyer, speaker and writer

PARENTING A HYPERACTIVE CHILD

Hyperactive children find it very difficult to sit still and obey orders and this trait of course, can be maddening to parents and educators alike. They usually exhibit certain characteristics such as:

• Disorganization: they tend to be scattered and sometimes untidy
• They are easily distracted and thus tend to leave projects undone or half-done
• They are impulsive speakers and sometimes speak without tact
• They have difficulty sleeping and often engage in dangerous activities that put them in physical danger.

Tips for effective handling of the children:

1.      Don’t take things too personal-remember they are not out to intentionally frustrate you.

2.      See the child as someone with strengths and weaknesses, just like other children. No child is perfect.

3.      Seek support. Don’t try to do it alone. Always remember - there are many parents out there with hyperactive children like yours who are successfully dealing with it. Seek out other parents in schools, church groups, etc for ideas on how to cope with hyperactivity in your child.

4.      Chart a daily routine for meals, homework, play, etc and stick to it. Remember they need help learning to be organized, and sticking to a schedule will help them do just that.

5.      Set clear rules and expectations with the child. Reward positive behaviour with praises and encouragement [avoid giving material rewards such as sweets as much as possible]. Also spell out consequences for bad behaviour and be sure to follow through.

6.      Engage the child in physical activities like sports to help release some of the excess energy. This will also help to improve mental alertness and concentration.

7.      Ensure the child gets adequate sleep. Try to reduce the time he/she spends watching television as excessive viewing of television encourages hyperactivity.

8.      Avoid sugary snacks in his/her diet. Healthy meals given regularly will do fine.

9.      Help your child make friends with other children. One way of doing this is to invite one or two friends over to the house on a regular basis and watch them while they interact. Enforce certain rules such as no hitting, pushing or shoving while playing

10.  Commit your child into the hands of God on a regular basis.

Are you a parent or an educator who handles hyperactive children on a regular basis? Please share your experiences with the children and how you handle it so others can benefit.

FIVE WAYS OF IDENTIFYING HUMAN TRAFFICKERS

Osas, a 20 year old girl from the Southern part of Nigeria, was delighted when her distant relation fulfilled her promise to take her abroad. Like many girls from poor families, she was immediately handed over to ‘aunty Joy’ without indepth probing from her parents, for they believed that their daughter was safe in the hands of this distant relation on her father’s side, and also, the less mouths to feed, the better.

Imagine Osas’s surprise when, on getting to Italy, she was housed in a small, dingy room with ten other young girls like her and asked to bathe and change for work. Her surprise turned to shock when work turned out to be sleeping with men for money that she never saw. It was then it dawned on her…she was now a prostitute in a foreign country with no hope of getting out.

Osas is not alone in this experience. Many people both male and female have been promised a better future by people they trusted, only to find themselves sold as sex slaves. Brad Riley, founder of  iEmpathize, a youth empowerment organization that combats crimes against children, shares five characteristics that a human trafficker could have: 

1 - Pretender -- Someone who pretends to be something s/he is not, such as a boyfriend, a big sister, a father, etc.

2 - Provider -- Someone who offers to take care of an individual's needs, such as for clothes, food, a place to live, etc or their wants, like cool cell phones, purses, parties, etc.

3 - Promiser -- Someone who promises access to great things, like an amazing job, a glamorous lifestyle, travel, etc.

4 - Protector -- Someone who uses physical power or intimidation to protect (but also control) an individual.

5 - Punisher -- Someone who uses violence and threats to control an individual. When the previous disguises have been exhausted, an exploitative person often becomes a Punisher to maintain control.

picture courtesy: edition. cnn. com

Some of these girls are actually branded with codes, names, etc, to identify them as belonging to a particular trafficker or pimp.

So, the next time a distant ‘relation’ or benefactor comes to you promising all sorts of goodies in exchange for your child, please take time to do an in-depth investigation before handing over your child. While there are still honest people out there who genuinely want to help other people's children, there are also others who only wish to make a fortune at the expense of other people. May God save us all.

MAN FAILS IN ATTEMPT TO ATTACK CATHOLIC CHURCH IN INDONESIA

A priest in a Catholic church in Medan, Indonesia, was yesterday stabbed by a man pretending to be a worshipper in the church. While the priest was giving the sermon, people heard what sounded like a firecracker and saw the man rushing towards the priest with his backpack on fire. He was only able to stab the priest’s arm however, before he was pinned down by the congregation. Luckily the firecracker did not explode but only fumed. A symbol indicating support for the Islamic State was found on the attacker.

Thank God the attempt failed. However, the onus is still on churches round the world to be as vigilant as possible and on the look-out would-be attackers. May God continue to save His own.

BOOK REVIEW

ADULT BOOKS

FICTION: BRIDGE TO HAVEN

Bridge to Haven is a novel written by Francine Rivers. It is the story of a woman who was abandoned as an infant and adopted by a couple. However, unable to accept love from the family and the community, she eloped with a smooth talker to the city and got introduced to the glamour of acting and Hollywood where she discovered that not all that glitters is gold……

I don’t want to spoil the surprise for those yet to read the book, but believe me, this is Francine Rivers at her best, and one of the good things about the book is that it does not contain graphic sexual descriptions thus making it appropriate for adults and teenagers alike. 

NON-FICTION: DESTINY

Destiny is a book written by T.D Jakes and released in 2015. In the book, the beloved pastor and author encourages readers to know their purpose and act on their instinct, as these will lead a person into his or her destiny. He also teaches about prioritizing and focussing on one’s purpose, as well as the power of rest in achieving destiny. All-in-all, the book is a definite must-read for those interested in maximizing their potential.

CHILDREN’S BOOK : BRUME AND THE CLIQUE

Brume and the clique is a book written by Jane Agunabor and published by Lantern books [Literamed publications]. It is a story about an adopted boy and his adventures with his new siblings, such as foiling a kidnapping attempt and dealing with bullies in his school. The book is good for children between the ages of 8 to 12 as its vocabulary is challenging enough; neither too easy nor too difficult. It is a definite must-read for parents who wish to develop their children’s vocabulary.