TIPS FOR FINDING MR/MS RIGHT

Hello dear reader. Recently I had cause to counsel some single friends of mine on dating and finding a life partner, and this write-up is based to some extent on those discussions. Please read, learn, enjoy and comment.

TIPS FOR FINDING MR/MS RIGHT

1.       Know who you are: While this sounds like a no-brainer, the number of people who are not really in touch with themselves and who do not know what they want is surprising. Who exactly are you and what do you want? Are you a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky kind of person, or are you a person who takes life seriously? Are you a stickler for details, or can you overlook certain things? Failure to come to terms with who you are can make you prone to making a mistake in the choice of partner.

2.       Know what you want: Make a list of the characteristics you wish a would-be partner to possess. Ask yourself what you want in a partner. Be truthful and honest with yourself. Are you looking for someone who is tall, dark and handsome? Are you looking for a wealthy prince? Are you interested in a domestic woman, a spit-fire feminist or a woman in between? You should have on your list at least ten qualities you want in a man/woman, and this should ideally encompass physical, spiritual, mental, financial and emotional attributes.  Many times people make the mistake of leaving out one or more of the components, e.g saying ‘I don’t care what a man looks like so long as he is godly’ or ‘ I need a beautiful woman irrespective of how emotionally mature she may be’. However, as those who are married know, a healthy balance of all components is important if one hopes to live “happily ever after”.

3.       Compromise: After making your list, ask yourself: is there anything on this list I can do without? For instance, can I do without the ‘dark’ in the tall, dark and handsome? If you are a punctual person, can you date a woman who is a perpetual latecomer? If you are an active church goer, can you date a man who sees religion as the ‘opium of the masses’? These questions must be honestly answered by you. Note that taste and preferences differ from individual to individual, and what may be trivial to another individual may not be trivial to you. For instance while one woman may say ‘I don’t care about a man’s height, I can marry a short/tall man, to another woman height may be a big deal. Be who you are and refuse to apologise for your preferences. Also, always remember that whatever choice you make, you, and not other people, will have to live with it for the rest of your life, so choose wisely.

4.       Visibility: Now that you know who you are and what you want, it’s time to be visible. Get seen. You cannot find Mr/Miss Right by staying at home all day. Places to search for a partner include youth groups, religious houses, sports club, etc. It is generally advisable that you seek for a partner in an area of passion so you can have shared interests; for instance if you are very active in a church, then it makes sense to seek out a life partner who also loves church activities.  A word of caution though as regards religious houses: In the past it was assumed that if one wanted a good wife/husband, one had to go to church to find one, but many people are realizing now that ‘not all that glitters is gold’, and not every churchgoer is good wife/husband material, so please be warned.

5.       Advertise! Let your close friends and family know that you are looking for someone, but please give them your specifications so you don’t have every Tom, Dick and Harry knocking at your door. Do not be afraid of meeting friends of friends, some people met their life partner that way.

6.       Pamper yourself: While on the look-out for a potential partner, be sure to pamper yourself. One hard, seemingly terrifying question I like to ask singles is this: ‘What if you could see far ahead into the future and no husband/wife is in that future, what would happen right now? Would you kill yourself? Would you drag any person off the street and marry them on the spot? Or would you take a long bath, dress yourself, and go out to enjoy life as best as you can? I believe option C makes the most sense, so start living like that today. While you wait for Mr/Miss Right, go ahead and have fun. Travel to places if you can, meet new people and do ‘internship’ in the houses of married people so you can see what being a married man/woman entails. And always remember, single or married, you are a person of inestimable worth, deserving to love and be loved, so take good care of yourself anyway.